A little wisdom gained from life.

At 23, I feel like my life mantra is taken straight from Pocahontas: "You'll learn things you never knew you never knew."  I love that statement.  No matter how much I know, learn, or experience, there will always be things I do not know, but also there is so much to life that I will never even fathom.  Like, my mind is barely able to keep from exploding as I try to think of something that I do not even know exists.  Maybe the head ache is from trying to do the impossible. 

All this being said, I do not think anyone, myself included, should ever underestimate the knowledge and life experience they do have.  We each have already done the hardest thing we have ever done to date.  Yeah, think that through.  Imagine the hardest, deepest, saddest, loneliest, most soul crushing moment of your life, and then take a deep breath.  That moment has already passed.  You survived it.  Now, do not misread me and think that I am saying nothing worse than those moments will ever happen, because they will, and they just might knock you off your feet.  Just remember everything you have learned up to this point and let all that life carry you through the next chapter. 

Introduction finished and background knowledge now activated I would like to share with you a gem I have gained and relearned over and over again.  You ready for this?  Never let anyone let their pain belittle your pain and make you feel guilty for having feelings.  Profound?  Maybe. Ground breaking? Not really.  But let us talk our way through that statement.

Pretend something bad has happened to you, so you feel grief.  It is your right, as a human being, to feel that grief.  Grief is a very personal experience and it is yours to experience.  However, when something bad happens it rarely happens to only one person.  The ripple affect of tragedy knows no end.  That is something to keep in mind while you grieve; there are still other people grieving. And an unfortunate step of grief is anger.  You have the right to be angry and so do others. 

Anger is a fickle thing isn't it?  Anger is full of passion and drive.  It has motives and plans of attack.  No one ever sat idly by while being truly angry.  And for that reason, many people ride the anger train in the journey of grief for all it is worth.  Have you ever been so angry you see red or taste metal?  I remember once during one of my later semesters of college getting so angry while studying for a physiology test that I could name and picture every reaction happening in my body; from the change in hormone levels, the muscle tissue contraction, and my change in blood pressure all leading to a 'fight' reaction (it was a very effective study technique). 

Anger makes ugly things happen.  Ugly, seemingly unforgivable, things happen.  People, in their grief, will do horrible things out of pure selfish anger.  These things can make you feel like crap.  Your grief will multiply and become harder to bare, because those who share your pain would rather tear you down than grieve with you.  And worst case scenario, they make you feel guilty for feeling bad.  That is truly the worst feeling in the world.  Feeling horrible, than feeling guilty, than trying to hide your pain is a sucky situation.  You are being forced out of your stages of grief.  You will never heal if you cannot freely grieve. 

I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me.  I am one who internalizes EVERYTHING.  I feel everyone's emotions right along with them.  When I was younger I would have to leave the room when something embarrassing or sad happened on T.V. because I was feeling all the same things as the character.  It is something about me that I treasure because I am able to be empathetic towards others.  On the flip side, it often times makes me more vulnerable.  I have had to learn, and continually re-learn, that it is okay to feel bad.  It is okay to cry, scream, laugh, curl up into a ball and close off to the world for an hour, and even eat a pint of ice cream, because I am not a robot.  If others try to belittle my pain, or mock me for my tears it is okay because they do not get to dictate how I feel.  Only I can decide how I feel, and I have every right to feel my feelings!!!

Please, please, do not let other people drag you down further.  If you are sad, cry.  If you are exhausted, take a mid-day nap.  If you are elated, sing at the top of your lungs.  If you are angry, scream until you are blue in the face.  You are entitled to feelings.  Have I said that enough yet?  Just one more time to be clear.  You are a human being and it is only normal to have feelings and you should embrace them! 

But a moment to address the antithesis of all of this.  You do not have any right, ever, to deride someone else's pain.  I am not saying you are required to take ownership of anyone's pain. In fact, unless you have directly caused the personal injury to that person, you should not ever take ownership or feel responsible for anyone's pain.  If you and someone you know have suffered some terrible tragedy, do not make the mistake of thinking that your grief is greater. It is not your place to rank hardships.

 Remember the words of Sis. Marjorie Hinckley: "Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

I love you all.